Opinion, Rants, and Stories

A Small Note on a Frustrating Mouse

There is a terrible film called Mousehunt, it was shit. I feel like those bumbling characters being constantly bettered by a mouse, with slapstick hilarity, every time they attempt to catch it.

Now I pride my self on being able to think, analyse and generally be aware of myself. It has taken our species a little while to reach self-awareness so pride is definitely in order. I read strenuous novels, contemplate philosophical works, I can think analytically, but when faced with a little furry thing running across my kitchen floor, I spend an entire day cleaning and chasing this little grey bastard to only find him looking at me the next morning as I am sipping my coffee.  I tried throwing Kant’s Critique of Pure Reason at it. I missed and broke a glass.

I am not a violent man, even towards rodents, but my earnest plea to the little thing, after I’d drank my coffee and cleaned up the glass, seemed to fall on deaf little mouse ears. It simply turned and disappeared under the sofa on which I now sit. I lost it, and emptied half a can of bug spray under the couch. It ran outside. “Hah!” I exclaimed slamming shut the door only to breath in a lungful of Doom. I then noticed the wretched thing run back in through a tiny gap under the door.

After smoking a cigarette to help with the taste of the bug spray I thought about the whole situation. I have decided I will invest in the most advanced mouse destroying device I can find. And by god it will not be a tree hugging PETA endorsed catch-and-release piece of shit. I shall dispose of this mouse just like our wonderfully efficient people at Marine and Coastal Management dealt with those pesky whales.


Little Bastard. The hunt continues…


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